Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
