see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
