Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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