so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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