my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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