drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
