Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
