a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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