I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
