too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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