I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
