I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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