Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
