i jhust puked up my retainher.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
