it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
