Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
