Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Shame - the story of my life.
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