You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
