She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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