I will die if light touches me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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