Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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