I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
