I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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