I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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