i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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