i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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