Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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