Tell her she can't have a vagina
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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