I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
