Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
