My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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