apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
