He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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