i jhust puked up my retainher.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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