i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
