if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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