I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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