I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
