I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
