She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
