I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
