I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Randomize
