So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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