i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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