belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
