He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
