Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
