Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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