My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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