i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
