please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
