Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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