So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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