I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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