Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I want is dick and wine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
