I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My ass is underappreciated
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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