Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
