So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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