Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
