i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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