I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
