I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Couch. On fire.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
