oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
