nut hugger
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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