i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
