WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
