i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
