Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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