Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
