the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
