my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
